Toxic Love

Screen of my phone flashes, and there, I see your name. All the vibrant dreams of my ambitious mind appear so dull now. My world of thoughts has got confined to you. The vivid visions of future that my wishful eyes used to see have vanished now. There stands in front of me a path so blur. My tranquil heart with a bliss so rare now pounds restlessly. How can a single message from you be so powerful? The turmoil in my heart has left me perplexed. What your name does to my soul is purely toxic. 

So, is it really love? 

An emotion that chases away my peace.

An emotion that brings the worst out of me.

An emotion that drives me insane.

—Amrit Versha

Forever is a beautiful lie that we blindly believe in. Our hearts are so delicate and vulnerable that we try to keep them safe under the armour of 'always'. But, one day, reality enters and turns this pretty lie into an ugly truth, and then, with our broken hearts, we realise that even forevers are temporary.

—Amrit Versha

Holy Disaster

In a flaming outburst of fury, I picked up a beautiful flower vase from my table, and crashed it to the floor. My burning eyes savoured the thrill of the spectacle. When I saw a flawless work of art crack into a thousand fragments, my broken soul rejoiced. Through the anarchy of those perfect ruins echoed the disorder of my heart. How peculiar it was to find peace in loss and relief in damage! The storm of my rage ended as a flood of tears, and this overflow of grief swept away my distress.

—Amrit Versha

Without You

Maa, sometimes, when I look at your declining health, I start imagining my life without you. I paint a picture in my head, which is not at all bright.

I would fill my room with your belongings—your clothes, your bangles, your bindis, your purse, your mobile phone—all the things that would remind me of you. Maybe this would be my way to keep you close. I would often smell your clothes to feel your presence around me. Missing your bittersweet taunts, I would scold myself every now and then. Missing the dishes you made, I would cook daily. On my bad days, I would caress my face, imagining my hands to be yours, and on my good days, I would look at your photo and bless myself on your behalf.

Mom, there would never be a day when I would not shed a tear, wishing you were here. Without you, a part of my heart would always be empty, and every day, in desperation, I would hope to meet you in heaven.

—Amrit Versha

Break-up

In the morning, when my lazy eyes just refused to open, I, with a desperate movement of my hands and with a thudding heart, tried to look for my phone. 

Each thud knew what I wanted.

I wanted his message. 

Oh, I craved to see his name in my notifications. 

I checked my inbox. I checked my call logs. I checked them again and again, even though I knew that it was of no use.

Then, for a while, I kept staring at the wall in front of me. 

I felt nothing but empty, like I was suddenly robbed of everything. 

I kept lying in bed for hours and realised that I could not even think about anything without thinking about him. 

I burst into tears and cried my eyes out.

And, once my sobbing was over, my wise little brain decided to butt in with its words of wisdom.

"Yes, it's over, and you're terribly hurt. You feel like your life has fallen apart, and everything has awfully changed. You miss how you eagerly used to wait for your phone to ring. But now, you know that there would be no special calls anymore, and while chatting, you would not smile and blush. Yes, that phase is over. Dear, you have all rights to weep as much as you want. But there is one thing that you must keep in mind—this break-up broke the relationship you had with him, but it didn't break you. You're still the same person—strong, lively, and quite capable of pulling yourself together. So, once you are done with grieving, get up and promise yourself that you would never look back and no matter what happens, you would not allow yourself to be weak."

Amrit Versha

Jellia

                                         

It is an extraordinary story of an ordinary girl, Darcy Grace, who was seven years old and was born as a disabled child. She could not see, or saying bluntly, she was blind. Yes, she didn’t know how the world she lived in looked like. She was a cute child with a rabbit-like smile. But, unfortunately, she didn’t know what cuteness was like. She had sea green eyes, resembling a profound ocean, which could fascinate anyone looking into them. But, unfortunately, her beautiful eyes were of no use.

Just think about the things that can bring joy to a kid’s life. They can be dolls, balls, fairy movies, action heroes, comic books, flowers, favourite stickers, delicious dishes and the list goes on. Now, imagine how a child would feel if he cannot see them! Wouldn’t he feel terrible? That’s how Darcy felt.

Darcy loved roses. She could touch them and feel their soft petals. She could smell their sweet fragrance. They were her favourite. Her mom once told her that the roses Darcy was holding in her hands were red in colour. Darcy tried to understand what red meant but couldn’t. So, she innocently asked her mother what red is, but, sadly, her mother failed to give her a proper explanation.

 Darcy loved tarts and jelly beans. They tempted her the most. Her cook would always decorate the tarts and would tell her that they looked so alluring. To which, she would always ask, “Really?”

One day, Darcy’s friend, Leena, visited her with her family for dinner. After dinner, Leena was asked to perform a few steps of ballet dance. Everyone’s eyes glued to Leena. She danced gracefully. While everyone was busy appreciating Leena’s dance, Darcy, sitting in a corner, kept clapping with an awkward smile.

Darcy was very fond of tales. When her mother would tell her interesting stories, she would always listen attentively. But, while listening to the stories, in her heart of hearts, she would sigh with a feeling of disappointment because she knew that she would never be able to read books in the way normal people do.   

All she wanted was her eyesight. She would always wonder how everything looked. Her foremost desire was to see herself in the mirror.

One winter evening, Darcy excitedly asked her mother to go out for dinner. Her mother was overjoyed to see her in a happy mood. She took her to the best baker’s of the town. They took the corner seat near the blower. Darcy ordered honey pistachio tart for herself and cappuccino for her mother. She was so lost in the taste of honey, caramel, and jelly that she completely forgot about all her worries. All of a sudden, she felt like a very sticky hand had gripped her wrist, and all she could focus on was a voice talking to her. The voice said, “Hello, dear Darcy! Please don’t be afraid. Just listen to me carefully. I know how you feel. You are treated differently, even by those who love you. You are pitied upon and I know how much it hurts! But, believe me, I am right here to transform your life. It might hurt you in the beginning but you will be happy at last. You will be able to see one day. Yes, you will. I will meet you soon. Hey, I’m sorry! Enjoy your jelly, little Darcy. Good bye.” Darcy was petrified with what just happened with her. But, along with getting astonished, she got emotional, too. She burst into tears. The idea of being able to see one day made her wildly happy. While Darcy was busy imagining the day she would be able to see, her mother had her eye on her. On seeing peculiar expressions on Darcy’s face, she stopped taking sips of her cappuccino.

“Baby, are you okay?” She asked Darcy gently.

“Uhh… Yeah! Nothing. I was just carried away by a flashback,” Darcy replied confidently.

Darcy was an introvert and she never wanted to become a laughing stock in front of others. So, she preferred to keep her weird experience to herself. The voice she heard at the baker’s couldn’t let her sleep. Now, she desperately wanted her eyesight. Yes, she wanted to see her face.

Next day, when she woke up, she didn’t open her eyes and instead, called her mother to her bedroom. She asked her mother to take her to the mirror. She had a hope that something magical would have happened. Then, she opened her eyes slowly but it was still all dark. She began to move her fingers all over the surface of the mirror and again, it was something sticky. She asked her mom whether there was something sticky on the surface of the mirror, but her mother told her that the mirror was perfectly clean. This experience was weird for Darcy and even her mom was observing her anxiety.

At night, Darcy’s mom entered Darcy’s bedroom, where Darcy was silently listening to her favourite track,

“This is jelly jam… This is jelly jam...”

She gave Darcy a plate full of boiled eggs, peas, and butter, and then, left the room to fetch a glass of milk for Darcy. Darcy was going to have her first morsel, but, surprisingly, there were only jelly beans in her plate. She called her mom, and her mom too found that her plate was full of jelly beans. Mrs Grace wondered for a while and then, concluded that Darcy, after being fed up of her life’s humdrum, wanted some excitement and so, she was playing some kind of prank. She thought that Darcy must have replaced the food with jelly beans that she always kept with her. This made Mrs Grace both angry and upset. She cursed God for choosing her child for such miseries and slammed the door behind her. On the other hand, Darcy thanked God for giving her life, prayed for a better future, and slept.

Now, there came a turning point in Darcy’s life. When she woke up in the morning, it was all new and different. SHE COULD SEE! But, the place and people were different. It was a strange place. Out of fear, she started crying her eyes out. Then, suddenly, she heard a soft voice: “Little Darcy, please calm down. I welcome you to Jellia! This is a land of people with jelly bodies. I am Nata De Coco. Let me introduce you to a few people. She is Wild Cherry Chew. You need to be careful. Haha, she is very naughty. He is Cupid Corn, a clever one. He can make anybody fall in love. See, he is Ferrara Cinnamon Bear. You will enjoy his fragrance and company. Now let’s come to...”

While he was introducing everyone, Darcy’s gorgeous eyes filled with tears. She begged them to let her go back to her home. She loved her mother and didn’t want to live in this new world. Nata told her that everyone understood her pain and so, she could freely make a choice between her old life and her gifted eyesight. Darcy remained silent. Nata said, “It will take some time, but you will feel like home with us, too.” Then, they left her alone for a few hours to take a decision. Finally, with a heavy heart, Darcy agreed to live her new life, for she knew the importance of the gift of vision. Nata took Darcy with him and asked her to get ready for a change. He began chanting the spell:

“Dear Darcy Grace, turn into jelly..

You belong to us…

You have to belly..

No need to fuss..”

Darcy’s eyes were wide open as she saw her body swelling and turning into a red sticky material. She was surprised to see that magic really existed.

Nata said to her, “You’re now Fini Red Berry!” Darcy smiled and liked her new name. With each passing day, her memories of Earth began to fade, and she started living a happy life in Jellia.

—Amrit Versha

            

She Is Back

“Aaughhhhhh”, yelled Kaesar, waking in the middle of the night. Struggling with pain, he somehow managed to turn on the lights of his bedroom, and to his surprise, he found out that his left leg had a deep cut and a stream of blood was flowing from it. Terror ran down his veins because it seemed to him that somebody had slightly axed his leg. However, he tried to remain calm and looked around to check whether there was an intruder in his room. To his shock, the window and the door of his room were locked from inside. He was taken aback and was scared too, and along with that, he was in intolerable pain. So, all this made him incapable of fathoming out anything. For the first time in his life, he felt so intensely nervous that he repeatedly shouted “dad” to call him downstairs to his bedroom.

Kaesar’s dad, Mr Claus Berk, listening to his son, ran to his room. When he saw Kaesar moaning in pain, he got worried. He tried to maintain his composure and asked Kaesar about what sort of pain he was having. Kaesar found his question ridiculous and became furious. He shouted, “Dad, can’t you see the blood and the cut on my leg?” Mr Berk moved his eyes to his son’s legs and there was then a very serious expression on his face. He paused for a moment and asked, “Is this some kind of a prank?” Quite puzzled, Kaesar exclaimed, “What prank, dad?” Mr Berk’s face flushed with anger and he shouted, “You frightened me! Do you think such pranks are fun? Let me tell you, son. They are nothing but stupid.” Kaesar again, in a confused tone, asked his dad about the prank that he was talking about. His father yelled again, “Why are you pretending? There is no wound on any of your legs! And, did you forget that you have a younger sister too, who is just eleven? What would Mary learn from you?” Kaesar, turning pale because of pain, replied, “Why would I pretend? What’s wrong with you?” Mr Berk left the room saying, “Son, I think you’re dreaming. Good night!”

Kaesar looked at his profusely bled leg and knew that he needed immediate medical attention. Strength and tolerance were a few of his traits. So, even though his leg was aching, he immediately gave himself the first aid and decided to visit a doctor. He called his friend, Josh, and asked for his help. Once Josh arrived, they directly drove to a nearby hospital. On their way to the hospital, Kaesar had been wondering about his dad’s weird reaction. In the hospital, they silently waited outside the doctor’s chamber for their turn to come. Josh asked Kaesar many questions in an attempt to know how everything happened, but Kaesar remained silent. Josh observed a strange sense of grief on Kaesar’s face, a kind of which he saw when Kaesar’s girlfriend, Aysel Kaya, died. With blonde hair and blue eyes, she had a face as attractive as the moon. She had a unique smile, which always made her appear curious. Kaesar, Aysel, Josh, and Mary were in the same school, Eren School of Sciences. It was a holy school. Mary was not in their grade since she was younger. The town that they lived in was Doruky, a small town in Turkey. There were several mountaintops in the town with forests. Kaesar lived near a forest and his dad was a woodcutter. Kaesar was an ardent lover of both nature and photography. But, sometimes, he also helped his dad in woodcutting. Kaesar and Aysel were attracted to each other. Kaesar loved to look at her mesmerising face, which always made her shy. She, on her part, loved Kaesar’s strand of hair falling on his forehead. He always carried a camera with him for secretly clicking her photos. Mary was very attached to Kaesar, and she knew that he was falling for Aysel. Whenever Aysel visited Kaesar’s home, Mary tried to engage Aysel with her. Mary was very possessive, especially for her brother, and she didn’t like Aysel at all. One day, she insisted Aysel and Kaesar play hide and seek game with her. They wanted to spend time with each other but still agreed for the game. It was the girls' turn to hide. They were looking for a secret place, and suddenly, Aysel saw a storeroom. She said to Mary, “Let’s hide there, Mary. He can’t guess that place!” Mary, out of fear, replied, “No! It’s dark inside.” Aysel laughed and said, “Are you afraid of the dark? I am going in. Are you coming? Let’s go and have fun.” Mary cried, “Not at all,” and ran away. Aysel laughed again and went inside the room. It was all dark. There was not even a single ray of light. She found that place weirdly fascinating, and in the darkness, she sensed an essence of power. It was happening naturally to her. She opened her arms wide to embrace a queenly feeling, which, to her, felt like an offer from the darkness. She closed her eyes, and then, all she could see was a girl on a mountaintop standing alone in a no moon night. She could not recognise the girl. Then, suddenly, on hearing Kaesar’s voice, she opened her eyes and hurriedly came out of that room. Then, after staying for some time with him, she went back to her house. Thinking about what had happened with her in the storeroom, she felt uncomfortable, and after reaching home, she told her mom everything about that strange experience. Mrs Kaya just brushed that off by saying that such things happen to teenagers and so, it was nothing serious, but, to Aysel, her expressions did not seem normal. She asked Aysel to sleep, and then, directly went to her bedroom to talk to her husband. “Our girl has experienced something strange today in a dark room at Mr Berk’s house, and I’m afraid if what that priest told us might come true,” she said to Mr Kaya. “No, honey! Nothing of that sort will happen. Our daughter is normal,” replied Mr Kaya. “She was born on a no moon night, and she has a tendency to rule the dark. This was what that priest told us, and today, she saw a dream of no moon night. I’m afraid,” exclaimed Mrs Kaya. “Oh, honey! She is in a holy school. She has learnt to be religious. So, everything is okay.” He calmed her down. While the whole conversation was going, Aysel was standing outside their room and she heard every single word, and then, everything kept revolving in her mind. The next day, in the evening, she asked Kaesar to accompany her to the library but Mary interrupted their conversation and told Kaesar that Mr Berk was calling him. So, Aysel asked Mary to join her, and Mary reluctantly agreed. After reaching the library, Aysel went to the corner of sci-fi books and suddenly, she got a book with the name “Back from Coffin.” She opened that book, in which, on the first page, there was a warning, which said, “If a person reads this book, then he/she must hold a risk.” She found that book arresting and borrowed it without a second thought. Mary was both shocked and amused when she saw Aysel borrowing that book but still, she ignored it. When Aysel reached her home, she directly walked towards her room and closed it. Around 11 ‘o'clock at night, Kaesar was standing in his balcony. He was sipping tea from his mug, and then, unexpectedly, he saw a girl coming out of Aysel’s house. When he observed, he realised that it was Aysel. He saw her going towards a pathway that led to a forest. He felt something fishy and decided to follow her silently. When she stopped at a place in a forest, he hid behind a tree, and then, what he saw was a bit astonishing for him. He even started recording a video of the whole scene. Aysel took out the book that she had borrowed from the library, from her bag. Then, she made a square on the ground with a white powder. Inside that square, she wrote Jesus and made a big cross over it with a red powder. Right after that, she moved around the square repeating a few words, “Rise my servants!” Then, she stepped inside the square, stood on the Jesus’ crossed name, and made a cut on her both her palms with a knife. She collected her blood in a bowl and spilled it all inside the square. She again began to move around the square repeating, “Break the coffin and come to me. Live again, now that you’re free.” Kaesar wanted to stop her, but his throat choked with disgust. He ran back to his home, kept his camera on his study table, and decided to stay away from her. He did not attend school for a few days. However, he was then more disturbed because his camera was missing and he could not find it anywhere. Then, it struck his mind that it could be in Mary’s room as she loved his camera but he never let her touch it. So, he went to her room. He was right. The camera was with her. He snatched it from her and warned her not to touch it again. He was just leaving her room but she spoke suddenly, “Do you still love that witch, Aysel? I know everything, and now, the entire school also knows. I made the video viral.” Kaesar, in shock, yelled, “Are you an idiot, Mary? Why did you spread the video?” He scolded her and rushed towards Aysel’s house. Aysel came out of her bedroom. Her beautiful, blue eyes were red and swollen, probably because of sobbing. She went straight to him, and slapped him twice on his face and shouted, “Why did you make that video? Was that what you wanted? You spoiled my life. Nobody talks to me anymore. They call me a witch and abuse me. I always loved you, Kaesy, and see what you did. That video! I hate you! You betrayed me. You never deserved me. Get out of my sight!” After this rough reaction of Aysel, he, in anger, just said one thing to her, “Yes, you’re a witch. Bye.” He left her place. After a few days, Aysel came back to school, and wherever she went, she heard laughter and just one word from everyone, “Witch.” At home, she would lock herself in her bedroom and keep crying for hours. Then, one day at no moon night, she silently came out of her house and walked to a mountaintop. In utter depression and desperation, she chose suicide and jumped into a river. She was searched everywhere by police and then, finally, her body was found in the river. Mrs Kaya screamed on seeing her daughter’s dead body. Kaesar remained numb for a few weeks, but, then, everything came back to normal. With each passing year, Aysel’s memories faded from Kaesar’s mind.

Now, Josh and Kaesar’s long wait was over as it was Kaesar’s turn to go to the doctor’s chamber. Josh helped him and they were finally inside the cabin. Kaesar told the doctor about everything that happened to him. The doctor listened to him carefully and asked him to remove the bandage. Kaesar did that, and on seeing his leg, the doctor very politely said, “Dear, promise me that you will not overreact to what I will tell you.” Kaesar replied with a smile, “Yes. I promise.” Then, the doctor told him that his father was right because there was no wound at all and so, he should once consult a psychiatrist. In both perplexity and rage, Kaesar, without shouting at the doctor, left the hospital with Josh. Josh felt that there was something wrong happening with Kaesar, but he preferred to stay away from that matter.

In the afternoon, Kaesar was alone in his home. When he entered his room, he found a note on his camera and it said, “Now, laugh.” He got a bit confused but then ignored it. When he went to the kitchen to drink some water, he found the same note labelled on the water bottle. It scared him and he dialled his dad’s number and told him everything. His dad laughed and said that somebody must be playing a prank on him and asked him not to overthink. Along with that, he also informed Kaesar that he will be back with Mary tomorrow. After what had happened with him the other night, Kaesar did not want to spend a night alone at home. But, then, he somehow convinced himself that he was brave and there was nothing to be afraid of. So, he went to bed, and after an hour of tossing and turning, he finally slept. But something more horrifying was waiting for him and that was the nightmare that he was going to have. In his nightmare, he saw Aysel’s face, which, instead of looking charming, appeared pale. He saw her smiling widely in a sinister manner. She was gradually going closer to Mary who was sleeping. She had an axe in her hand, and she laughed in a way that reflected nothing but evil. Mary opened her eyes and was terrorised by seeing Aysel in front of her. Before Mary could utter a word, Aysel whispered into her ears, “Now, laugh,” and then, within a fraction of seconds, she brutally axed Mary’s head. This was a tormenting nightmare for Kaesar and he heaved a sigh of relief after opening his eyes. After a few minutes, he slept again.

The next day, it was a new and bright morning. As soon as Mr Berk and Mary reached their home, Mary directly ran to his brother’s room to show him what she had brought for him. But, then, Mr Berk heard Mary’s loud cry. He nervously entered the room and stood still when he saw his son’s axed head with a note beside it, “Now, laugh!”.

Note: Sometimes, it happens that we see a dream of an incident happening with us, but when we wake up, it happens to others and vice versa. This is called precognition.

Amrit Versha     

His Visit to His Pyschiatrist

He walked into his psychiatrist's cabin, without a sliver of hope on his face. The psychiatrist looked at him with her radiant eyes, full of hope. He knew that curious look. He knew what her ears yearned for—a few less depressing words from him this time. She gave him a wide smile.
Oh, how immensely he hated that smile. He had a tornado moving in his head, and on seeing her smile, it moved faster. Her smile was like a stretched bow with an arrow directing towards his already injured heart.
For him, each visit to her was purposeless. Every time, he knew what was going to happen. He would narrate his pitiable story to her, and then, all she would do was nod and write on a paper a list of medicines. For him, each visit was a reminder of the fact that his life would always remain an unresolvable mess or in better words, a dark hell.
So, this time, he had decided to break the monotonous cycle. He decided to remain silent and to simply shake his head or nod because he knew that telling his story would never make a difference.
Seeing him quiet, she started writing on a paper, and then said, "I've referred you to a therapist. You need a talk therapy." Listening to her, he nodded with a smirk, knowing nothing would ever change his reality.

—Amrit Versha

Truth vs Lie

Lie stood tall in front of the listeners. His eyes beamed with confidence and certainty. With a firm mask, he loudly asserted his innocence. He assured the audience of his integrity, dethroned Truth and became the King.
This heavy falsity of Lie made the naive Truth scared, nervy and uneasy. She panicked and left the scene hurriedly. She failed to prove her righteousness.
In her dark cave, she wrestled alone with her anger and bitterness, whereas Lie proudly enjoyed the affection of his supporters.
Truth kept wondering in her trauma if this was what her nobility deserved.
Lie knew that the armour of fallacy and pretence that he wore was feeble, whereas Truth was unaware that she had a sword of virtue. But, as soon as she realised her power, she, with her sword, beheaded this fraud, and then, walked straight to the public and said, "He was a traitor, who was destined to fail. My people, always remember that Truth always wins'.

Amrit Versha

The Unsent Letter

Dear,

I remember the day when after years of darkness, I saw light. It was you. It was love. I remember how it made me feel. I felt crazy like a schoolgirl newly in love. I was jumpy and shaky like a child is before his exams. I couldn’t realise how you slowly became the centre of my universe and how, in the picture of my life, everything became blurry and all I could see was you. When I gradually came to know you as a person, I couldn’t believe that you were way more perfect than the kind of lover I always dreamt of. For the first time in so many years, I felt blessed, and with all my heart, I believed that nothing would ever shake our flawless relationship. But, sadly, I didn't know that my mind was so clouded by those bright, rosy clouds of love that I had completely forgotten what I always used to believe in: Nothing lasts forever.

After months of our cold fights and heated arguments, today, I suddenly found myself again in darkness, where there is no sign of light. And I am left to think about those colourful days when you were the perfect guy and I was the luckiest girl. So, how did we go wrong? Was I too blindly in love with you that I could barely see the truth? Were you just darkness in disguise that I failed to recognise? Was our flawless relationship always flawed?

I think that love is evil. It plays tricks on us, wounds our hearts forever, and then laughs in the wickedest way, doesn't it?

Not yours,

Amrit Versha   

Nature Is the Biggest Fraud

Mother, you went through those distressing months just to see me in your lap.
From putting up with the meaningless cries of a baby to calming the crazy mood swings of an adult, you've loved me in a way that can never be matched.
And now, when I see you lying in bed with tired eyes, ashen face and feeble body, I get overwhelmed with fear and pain. 
Oh, how devastating it is to see my protector in such a vulnerable state!
Oh, how achingly ironical it is to find my caretaker in need of infinite care!
Looking at your withered skin, baggy muscles and  frail frame, I see that inevitable day approaching when age, which is not just a number, will take you away from me.
Mother, I bet nothing can be more cruel than nature. It brought us together as mother and daughter. It let me grow under the shade of your heavenly love. 
But one day, all of a sudden, this mighty nature will throw me on hostile roads, where all my attempts of finding you will go in vain. 
Mother, without you, no matter which direction I will take, it will lead me to chaos.
Without you, even breeze will feel like storm and no place will ever feel like home.

Amrit Versha